I'm jealous of your bromance
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
