she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
