you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
