So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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