sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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