It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize