I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
