I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Life is so much better after having sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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