He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
