She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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