Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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