Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she peed on how many people?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
