You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
