If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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