jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Porn is love you can see.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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