Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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