The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
