if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize