hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
