Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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