Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize