how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
