I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize