she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
