When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
