Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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