Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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