? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
