Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
