Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
