mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
