sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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