We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I looked at my own cervix.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
