Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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