pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
