Whod you bang
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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