so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
