Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
