ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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