with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
