so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
