i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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