just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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