it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
