I wanna bring you to show and tell
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
