I want to have your abortion
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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