I just made out with a guy for $7.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
