Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
