you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
