you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
