i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
