They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
