I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize