you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
