One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
