If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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