I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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