Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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