Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
