Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
