with your own penis?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize