Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
