I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
