just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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