my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
