Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
