if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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