It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
