she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
