i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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