Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
