Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
