guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize