by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
