wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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