I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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