is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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