I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
