alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
