if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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