11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
