I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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