I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
