please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
