Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
