Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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