wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
