everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize