Me. At least after what I've been through.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
