WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
