Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
