My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
