remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
