haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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