No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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