You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
