you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
