I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My liver just broke up with me...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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