Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
