Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize