is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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