as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
