Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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