remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize