i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
high people should be assigned attendants
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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