I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
