I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
