I look better un-naked...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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