Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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