i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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