How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
