smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
